Kara and I met at the Cheesecake Factory for dinner :)
I kept hearing all about it from people and she was like we should just go.
We had to wait like 20 minutes for our table which wasn't bad. There was like no place to stand so we had to stand where they display their cheesecakes. Then some lady was all *rude voice* "EXCUSE ME I WANT TO LOOK AT THE CHEESECAKES." We're like "geez there's no place to stand" *walks off while glaring at her*
We decide to eat dinner there as well. Their menu is like a 10 page book! LOL You could get anything I mean anything you wanted to eat from eggs, shepards pie, hamburgers, soups, salads, sandwiches, fish, steak, chicken, pasta, pizza...... ROFL I was so amazed.
I ended up getting the chicken cabanaro.....OH MY GOSH first thing I told Kara was that it was 500x better than the Olive Garden. It was the same price range too! [I even brought some of the pasta home and my mom was like oh my gosh that's good!] I then ordered a key lime slice of cheesecake and Kara ordered a Raspberry Lemon slice. Okay for $6.95 a slice I was expecting like miraculous, huge, amazing, cheesecake.... I was sooo dissappointed when all I got was like a regular cheesecake slice. It tasted the same as buying a frozen "Edwards" brand pie. So ya their food =amazing cheesecake=:(
Afterwards we were going to go to the Dollar theater but it was between watching Twilight or Bolt............ um ya.
[btw kara = huge twilight fan] *cries*
She knew she was not getting me to watch twilight so we went to Barnes & Noble to browse books. [I looked for the Franco mag... no luck :( ] We ended up picking out a "1001 what dreams mean" book and the "He's Just Not That Into You" book. It was kinda crowded so we were trying to find somewhere to sit down and look at our books. We find this corner that had 2 step stools sitting there so we're like okay we'll just sit here.... Meanwhile, we are back there (softly) giggling over the stuff in the books and 10 minutes go by and people kinda look at us and we're like wth? Kara looks up and goes "oh my gosh... look what we're sitting under..." yup we're sitting together under the [GAY & LESBIAN] section. 10 seconds later this girl is kinda eying us as she stops to look in the section.... Kara like starts to hover into her book and I'm sitting there trying soooo hard not to laugh... she finally left and then we got up and left LOL.
After that we drove back to my car and we just sat and talked... well we flipped the seats back and laid there while decorating her pt crusier with her scarf and talked. We had it as a canopy then curtains then Kara wore it as a turbon.
ROFL we are so randomly hilarious!
That was our Saturday evening :)
Hope everyone else had a good one!!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
ROFL!!!
It is nice to be able to get over it and move on!!!
The election is over. It is time to repair
friendships with the other party. Governor Sarah Palin is doing her part
to do just that.
The rest of the world cannot understand how, after bitter election
campaigns, American politicians can kiss and make-up.
For instance, Gov. Palin has invited, to her great state of Alaska,
the men who defeated her, Barack Obama and Joe Biden. She has set up
a moose hunting trip for their enjoyment and hired three prominent
experts in their field to assist them.
Dick Cheney will lead them on the hunt, Ted Kennedy will drive them
back to their cabins each evening, and Bill Clinton will entertain their
wives and daughters while the hunters are afield.
What a lady! That Sarah is such a sport and thinks of everything!
haha whoever thought of that is too funny!
McCain/Palin so should have won!
The election is over. It is time to repair
friendships with the other party. Governor Sarah Palin is doing her part
to do just that.
The rest of the world cannot understand how, after bitter election
campaigns, American politicians can kiss and make-up.
For instance, Gov. Palin has invited, to her great state of Alaska,
the men who defeated her, Barack Obama and Joe Biden. She has set up
a moose hunting trip for their enjoyment and hired three prominent
experts in their field to assist them.
Dick Cheney will lead them on the hunt, Ted Kennedy will drive them
back to their cabins each evening, and Bill Clinton will entertain their
wives and daughters while the hunters are afield.
What a lady! That Sarah is such a sport and thinks of everything!
haha whoever thought of that is too funny!
McCain/Palin so should have won!
SOOO Furious
So this morning I decided to go to Walgreens to try and find L's magazines and to blockbuster to return a movie. Walking back to the jeep from blockbuster I saw the front bumper was mega scuffed up and covered in black stuff. I was like WTH?! I'm like going back in my mind thinking okay I SO did not do that. I know it didn't happen today cause I didn't park in a spot where it could have happened. I came home and asked my mom about it since she drives it more than me and she's like "I didn't do it!!!!" We have no idea when it happened but I guess in some parking lot this week someone hit it and didn't leave a note or anything. It's not like everytime we go somewhere we walk around the entire car to see if anything happened to it so ya. I hope the person who did it is racked with guilt for like ever.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
ur so gay and u don't even like boys
My weekend was fulltime busy!
Saturday: My dad and I went shoe shopping :) We went to the mall to famous footwear then to pick up the candy L wanted. After that we went to return another pair of shoes that my dad had bought then to walmart for groceries. We came home and we then went to my grandmas to see my aunt that had came in town. Then at like 7pm we came home and I made faijitas for dinner.
Sunday: My mom like pounds on my door at 7:45am and says "I didn't know if you needed up early this morning?!" I was like "what? no." and she says "you're putting in the new light this morning aren't ya?" ROFL
My mom had bought a new light fixture for our kitchen and was anxious to see it up. The old fixture needed to be taken out and to do that ya had to go in the attic and redo the outlet box. My dad started out doing it but I finished it cause he gets dizzy if he bends over for like over 5 seconds. LOL
So after getting up in the attic and getting covered in dust and insulation we got it put in.
I spent the rest of the day finishing the laundry so I could have room in the utility room to put up my wallpaper border. I had forgot to put it in like weeks ago when I had painted. It took forever cause it wouldn't stick to the wall so I had to like use this new glue my mom had ordered. Thankfully she ordered it for something else or I would still be out there holding the border up on the wall.
Mellow was unhappy cause he had to stay outside while I did it. He's scared of the dark and was mad he wasn't inside in his bed.
This whole weekend I couldn't get the ur so gay song out of my head. ROFL I'd be doing some random thing and then be all "i hope you hang yourself with your h&m scarf..." hahaha
Katy Perry rocks :)
Saturday: My dad and I went shoe shopping :) We went to the mall to famous footwear then to pick up the candy L wanted. After that we went to return another pair of shoes that my dad had bought then to walmart for groceries. We came home and we then went to my grandmas to see my aunt that had came in town. Then at like 7pm we came home and I made faijitas for dinner.
Sunday: My mom like pounds on my door at 7:45am and says "I didn't know if you needed up early this morning?!" I was like "what? no." and she says "you're putting in the new light this morning aren't ya?" ROFL
My mom had bought a new light fixture for our kitchen and was anxious to see it up. The old fixture needed to be taken out and to do that ya had to go in the attic and redo the outlet box. My dad started out doing it but I finished it cause he gets dizzy if he bends over for like over 5 seconds. LOL
So after getting up in the attic and getting covered in dust and insulation we got it put in.
I spent the rest of the day finishing the laundry so I could have room in the utility room to put up my wallpaper border. I had forgot to put it in like weeks ago when I had painted. It took forever cause it wouldn't stick to the wall so I had to like use this new glue my mom had ordered. Thankfully she ordered it for something else or I would still be out there holding the border up on the wall.
Mellow was unhappy cause he had to stay outside while I did it. He's scared of the dark and was mad he wasn't inside in his bed.
This whole weekend I couldn't get the ur so gay song out of my head. ROFL I'd be doing some random thing and then be all "i hope you hang yourself with your h&m scarf..." hahaha
Katy Perry rocks :)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
MINI ROAD TRIP :)
So since the pipes under the sink totally like fell apart yesterday my mom called a plumber to come out this morning.
I watched the kids last night for like ever so my mom and dad could go shopping. They bought a new faucet with a fancy sprayer and soap dispenser all built in. Then decided if we were already going to have a plumber out we might as well have a new sink. My dad picked out this new slate colored graphite sink that can never be scratched scortched chipped etc...
I got up super early this morning cause of course they always give you like a 4 hour window of when they might come... At 8:30am he came (cute btw) and after like an hour of trying to get the boys to leave him alone I finally just said go get in the car and we'll drive somewhere. So we drove...and drove...and drove some more. We didn't really have anywhere to go or anyone to visit so I just took them to look at horses and cows and farms and hay bales ROFL Then we went to mcdonalds for chicken nuggets and to Arby's for curly fries. Next, we went and sat in the "parks" parking lot to eat. it was so freakin cold out we couldn't play.
At noon we finally decided to come home cause I was tired of driving in the middle of nowhere and needed gas. ROFL
Now the day isn't even half over and it feels like it should be night time. I wonder what lays in store ahead. LOL
I watched the kids last night for like ever so my mom and dad could go shopping. They bought a new faucet with a fancy sprayer and soap dispenser all built in. Then decided if we were already going to have a plumber out we might as well have a new sink. My dad picked out this new slate colored graphite sink that can never be scratched scortched chipped etc...
I got up super early this morning cause of course they always give you like a 4 hour window of when they might come... At 8:30am he came (cute btw) and after like an hour of trying to get the boys to leave him alone I finally just said go get in the car and we'll drive somewhere. So we drove...and drove...and drove some more. We didn't really have anywhere to go or anyone to visit so I just took them to look at horses and cows and farms and hay bales ROFL Then we went to mcdonalds for chicken nuggets and to Arby's for curly fries. Next, we went and sat in the "parks" parking lot to eat. it was so freakin cold out we couldn't play.
At noon we finally decided to come home cause I was tired of driving in the middle of nowhere and needed gas. ROFL
Now the day isn't even half over and it feels like it should be night time. I wonder what lays in store ahead. LOL
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
TUESDAY THE 17th
haha
SO meanwhile as TUESDAY the 17th is Psych's rendition of FRIDAY the 13th it came to haunt me.
This morning I got up lol then went to the library to pick up some cds. Then I had to go to Payless shoes to exchange some shoes my mom got me. I am currently in a quest to find the perfect tennis shoe. My poor feet lol from all the problems I have with them I can't wear hardly any of my shoes anymore or new shoes for that matter. I tried on every pair they had and like 4 different people kept coming over to ask if I needed help or if I was okay I'm like ya... for the fourth time... and sadly couldn't find any.
I then came home and babysat for my mom so she could go run errands for my grandma. When she came back I thought I'd go to Kmart to see what shoes they had which ended up to be none. While I was looking at the shoes the overhead light began to flicker on and off but not like the light was going out. I was like okay weird... I ended up making my way to the other side of the store and that light began to flicker... every aisle I went on that subsequent light would begin to flicker. In Supernatural everytime lights flicker on and off theres like a ghost lingering with Sam and Dean not far behind. I'm like duuuuuuuude wheres Sam and Dean when I need them. *giggles*
I then came home and cooked dinner. While I was making the fried rice and orange chicken the sink started filling up with water from the drain I was like wth... then I looked down and water starting pouring out of the cabinet under the sink... I hurridly turned off the dishwasher and opened the cabinet doors. Some pipe had just like fell off and spewed hot water everywhere. There's still like a huge mess in the kitchen cause I couldn't clean up after dinner cause the sinks still all messed up. I think my dad's calling a plumber tomorrow. LOL
Anyways that was my Fri. 13 day happening late.
SO meanwhile as TUESDAY the 17th is Psych's rendition of FRIDAY the 13th it came to haunt me.
This morning I got up lol then went to the library to pick up some cds. Then I had to go to Payless shoes to exchange some shoes my mom got me. I am currently in a quest to find the perfect tennis shoe. My poor feet lol from all the problems I have with them I can't wear hardly any of my shoes anymore or new shoes for that matter. I tried on every pair they had and like 4 different people kept coming over to ask if I needed help or if I was okay I'm like ya... for the fourth time... and sadly couldn't find any.
I then came home and babysat for my mom so she could go run errands for my grandma. When she came back I thought I'd go to Kmart to see what shoes they had which ended up to be none. While I was looking at the shoes the overhead light began to flicker on and off but not like the light was going out. I was like okay weird... I ended up making my way to the other side of the store and that light began to flicker... every aisle I went on that subsequent light would begin to flicker. In Supernatural everytime lights flicker on and off theres like a ghost lingering with Sam and Dean not far behind. I'm like duuuuuuuude wheres Sam and Dean when I need them. *giggles*
I then came home and cooked dinner. While I was making the fried rice and orange chicken the sink started filling up with water from the drain I was like wth... then I looked down and water starting pouring out of the cabinet under the sink... I hurridly turned off the dishwasher and opened the cabinet doors. Some pipe had just like fell off and spewed hot water everywhere. There's still like a huge mess in the kitchen cause I couldn't clean up after dinner cause the sinks still all messed up. I think my dad's calling a plumber tomorrow. LOL
Anyways that was my Fri. 13 day happening late.
Monday, February 16, 2009
VDAY 09
Valentines day I got up lol and opened Annie's vday goodies she sent me yummm :P
Then we all gathered in the living room to anxiously await what my dad got us all. *giggles* For weeks during work he'd stop off at different stores and pick up stuff and put it in a bag he kept in the garage. He's so sweet :)
He did so well for a guy shopping all by himself. He got the boys each a TY beanie Scooby Do and some Hannah Montana suckers that you dip into the candy that pops in your mouth. It was so funny cause they had never had it before and were freaked out at first. I got the coolest makeup brush set... I mean awesome!! So pretty and red and the brushes are the softest ever. He also got me a Russel Stover [private reserve] heart. He also got me a mini heart that had little Mellow puppies on it. yummmm! He got my mom Reba's new love cd and a white teddy bear. The boys got me a pool mat you blow up for the summer (now I just need a pool) and my mom got me a dog that looked like Mellow when he was a puppy :)
Then I iced red velvet cupcakes and stuck each one with a pink sparkly heart decoration. We then packed up and went to my grandmas to give her, Christen, and Carsten their vday gifts. My Dad carried the cupcakes in and Christen thought the hearts sticking out of the top were candy and licked one. Too funny cause she like licked glitter off a foam heart. ROFL Carsten colored a wooden doll for me and Christen made me a pink box and inside was a pair of shorts that had pineapples all over them in honor of PSYCH :)
Then we came home and I cooked dinner.
Hope everyone had an awesome vday!!!
________
Presidents Weekend
Sunday was a big day since we took the boys out for the day. Then I babysat that evening. I spent that night trying to find Katy Perry's acoustic version of thinking of you. It's so beautiful and I love it so much better than the original. but alas after a very long aggravating search I never found it. Monday I mainly just was lazy. I did give Wilbur and Mellow a bath. I think they are still mad at me for the trauma I put them through. ROFL I then watched Kyle XY and discovered it got canceled. SO traumatizing since I've been watching for 3 years and love Matt Dallas who plays Kyle... (I think I need to go change my Rankings cause I forgot to ever add him. (aka guy from katy perry's thinking of you) Well I think I'll stop blogging cause my computer ac cord is getting super hot where it plugs into the comp and the comp screen keeps flickering from the comp switching between batt. and ac. I don't wanna lost every thing I wrote. LOL
so bye for now! :)
Then we all gathered in the living room to anxiously await what my dad got us all. *giggles* For weeks during work he'd stop off at different stores and pick up stuff and put it in a bag he kept in the garage. He's so sweet :)
He did so well for a guy shopping all by himself. He got the boys each a TY beanie Scooby Do and some Hannah Montana suckers that you dip into the candy that pops in your mouth. It was so funny cause they had never had it before and were freaked out at first. I got the coolest makeup brush set... I mean awesome!! So pretty and red and the brushes are the softest ever. He also got me a Russel Stover [private reserve] heart. He also got me a mini heart that had little Mellow puppies on it. yummmm! He got my mom Reba's new love cd and a white teddy bear. The boys got me a pool mat you blow up for the summer (now I just need a pool) and my mom got me a dog that looked like Mellow when he was a puppy :)
Then I iced red velvet cupcakes and stuck each one with a pink sparkly heart decoration. We then packed up and went to my grandmas to give her, Christen, and Carsten their vday gifts. My Dad carried the cupcakes in and Christen thought the hearts sticking out of the top were candy and licked one. Too funny cause she like licked glitter off a foam heart. ROFL Carsten colored a wooden doll for me and Christen made me a pink box and inside was a pair of shorts that had pineapples all over them in honor of PSYCH :)
Then we came home and I cooked dinner.
Hope everyone had an awesome vday!!!
________
Presidents Weekend
Sunday was a big day since we took the boys out for the day. Then I babysat that evening. I spent that night trying to find Katy Perry's acoustic version of thinking of you. It's so beautiful and I love it so much better than the original. but alas after a very long aggravating search I never found it. Monday I mainly just was lazy. I did give Wilbur and Mellow a bath. I think they are still mad at me for the trauma I put them through. ROFL I then watched Kyle XY and discovered it got canceled. SO traumatizing since I've been watching for 3 years and love Matt Dallas who plays Kyle... (I think I need to go change my Rankings cause I forgot to ever add him. (aka guy from katy perry's thinking of you) Well I think I'll stop blogging cause my computer ac cord is getting super hot where it plugs into the comp and the comp screen keeps flickering from the comp switching between batt. and ac. I don't wanna lost every thing I wrote. LOL
so bye for now! :)
Friday, February 13, 2009
FRIDAY THE 13TH
So today is the dreaded Friday the 13th....and it's not over yetttt...
hahaha
I just got back from seeing Friday the 13th THE MOVIE at the IMAX. I had a early vday date with Jared. LOL
Scary/GORY movies usually aren't my thing but I endure them if someone cute just happens to be in them...aka...Jared Padalecki... [by the way I'm totally ready for him to be in a romantic comedy instead of horror] but anyways Susi and I preordered our tix online and good thing we did cause it was sold out. There were only 2 viewings today at 8:00pm and 10pm.
I haven't ever watched any of the other "JASON" movies but pretty much know the jist[sp?] of it.
I have always remembered this one Halloween, it was probably the best cause the whole family dressed up and my grandmas neighborhood went all out with scary houses to go through. One scary house took like the scariest thing from popular horror movies and turned their yard into a horror fest complete with Jason and an ax. When Susi saw the "Jason" guy coming with an ax she ran away screaming [like a girl]. Totally hilarious. I had never watched the "Jason" movies so I was like wth? who cares if he has a hockey mask and an ax... I guess I should have been scared...ax? hello?
The movie was good it was very slasher-esque. I sat there with my eyes permanently fixed to the arm of the chair counting down the people who were to be killed. I mainly only watched when Jared was onscreen..[btw totally hot on one of the biggest movie screens ever] Beware the movie also has lots of boob-age going on........ Suse and I were both like wth! omg!
I had prepared myself cause I knew Jared would either like get ate, axed, killed in various ways or like turn into another Jason or something...you'll have to watch to find out!
Well, I'm off to watch "Psych" on USA. It's the Tuesday the 17th epi haha totally laughing at the parodies they are doing of Friday the 13th.
oh and tomorrow is Valentines Day!!!
I can't believe it's already here!
So Happy Valentines Day everyone!!!
Love to all.
hahaha
I just got back from seeing Friday the 13th THE MOVIE at the IMAX. I had a early vday date with Jared. LOL
Scary/GORY movies usually aren't my thing but I endure them if someone cute just happens to be in them...aka...Jared Padalecki... [by the way I'm totally ready for him to be in a romantic comedy instead of horror] but anyways Susi and I preordered our tix online and good thing we did cause it was sold out. There were only 2 viewings today at 8:00pm and 10pm.
I haven't ever watched any of the other "JASON" movies but pretty much know the jist[sp?] of it.
I have always remembered this one Halloween, it was probably the best cause the whole family dressed up and my grandmas neighborhood went all out with scary houses to go through. One scary house took like the scariest thing from popular horror movies and turned their yard into a horror fest complete with Jason and an ax. When Susi saw the "Jason" guy coming with an ax she ran away screaming [like a girl]. Totally hilarious. I had never watched the "Jason" movies so I was like wth? who cares if he has a hockey mask and an ax... I guess I should have been scared...ax? hello?
The movie was good it was very slasher-esque. I sat there with my eyes permanently fixed to the arm of the chair counting down the people who were to be killed. I mainly only watched when Jared was onscreen..[btw totally hot on one of the biggest movie screens ever] Beware the movie also has lots of boob-age going on........ Suse and I were both like wth! omg!
I had prepared myself cause I knew Jared would either like get ate, axed, killed in various ways or like turn into another Jason or something...you'll have to watch to find out!
Well, I'm off to watch "Psych" on USA. It's the Tuesday the 17th epi haha totally laughing at the parodies they are doing of Friday the 13th.
oh and tomorrow is Valentines Day!!!
I can't believe it's already here!
So Happy Valentines Day everyone!!!
Love to all.
Monday, February 09, 2009
TOO FUNNY!! =)
A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM Â
>
> If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
>
> Dear Diary,
>
> For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
> Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
>
> I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
>
> My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
>
> ____________ _______ __ _________ __
> MONDAY:
> Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
>
> Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
>
> Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit- ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
>
> ____________ _________ _________ __
> TUESDAY:
> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
>
> ____________ _________ _________ _
> WEDNESDAY:
> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
>
> Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
>
> My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
>
> ____________ _________ _________
> THURSDAY:
> Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
>
> Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the rest-room. She sent another skinny bitch to find me.
>
> Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
> ____________ _________ _________ _
> FRIDAY:
> I hate that b!tch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
>
> Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
>
> The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
>
> ____________ _________ _________ __
> SATURDAY:
> Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
>
> ____________ _________ _________ __
> SUNDAY:
> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
>
>
> Send this to a friend who needs to laugh. We all need a good laugh.
>
> If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
>
> Dear Diary,
>
> For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
> Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
>
> I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
>
> My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
>
> ____________ _______ __ _________ __
> MONDAY:
> Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
>
> Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
>
> Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit- ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
>
> ____________ _________ _________ __
> TUESDAY:
> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
>
> ____________ _________ _________ _
> WEDNESDAY:
> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
>
> Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
>
> My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
>
> ____________ _________ _________
> THURSDAY:
> Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
>
> Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the rest-room. She sent another skinny bitch to find me.
>
> Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
> ____________ _________ _________ _
> FRIDAY:
> I hate that b!tch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
>
> Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
>
> The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
>
> ____________ _________ _________ __
> SATURDAY:
> Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
>
> ____________ _________ _________ __
> SUNDAY:
> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
>
>
> Send this to a friend who needs to laugh. We all need a good laugh.
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